Though tradition suggests the bride’s parents pay for everything, that is often no longer the case. Today, many couples turn to both sets of parents for financial support, while others choose a longer engagement to save and pay for the wedding themselves. Without a clear tradition, how do you know the best way to support them?
1. Understand Your Financial Limits
Before your child even asks, you should have a clear understanding of how much you can realistically contribute. Once you’ve settled on an amount, sit down with your child and their soon-to-be spouse. Be upfront and let them know you’re offering a specific amount, and they can decide how to allocate it. If there’s something you’d prefer to cover—like the venue—communicate that, and suggest they take care of other expenses.
If you are taking on most of the expenses yourself, try to encourage cost saving strategies like having the wedding in the off season or cutting down on the guest list. Don’t deplete your savings or max out a credit card trying to accommodate for every wish. Your child will appreciate that you’re doing what you can!
2. Have an Honest Conversation
If you can't find a lot of extra money in the budget to help pay for the wedding, be honest and let your child know. Invite both your child and their partner over for a meal and sit down with them to talk about the logistics. Let them know that you're willing to help with non-financial action items like setting up, making favors or decorations, or run errands if they need you to. Though you may not feel like you are helping in the traditional manner, rest assured that any stress you can relieve from a couple heading into their wedding is much appreciated.
3. Include the Other Parents
If you are the parents of the bride, it can be easy to get sidetracked and not think about the other party involved. However, a wedding is a significant event for everyone involved, so try to include those close to the couple. There's nothing wrong with a supportive group of family members coming together to make the day special. Consider meeting with your child’s partner’s parents to discuss how they might contribute. This not only builds a strong foundation for future family ties but also helps ease the financial burden.
4. Don't Expect Anything in Return
When you are offering up your services and money to your children, know that you shouldn't do it to be in control. Just because you contributed a certain amount of money doesn't mean that you now get to choose the guests, flowers, location, or date. You are contributing a gift, not an investment. Your return is the happiness and hopefully long-lasting marriage of two people you love!
5. A Friendly Reminder: It’s Their Special Day
Weddings are full of excitement, and it’s natural to want to share your ideas — especially if you’ve planned one yourself. While your past experience and advice can be helpful, try not to make the day about your own preferences or memories. Even if you have strong opinions, this is their time to dream big and make choices that reflect who they are. Offer your love and support throughout the process, knowing that your encouragement helps them create a day they’ll never forget.
Whether you're covering the entire wedding or helping address save-the-date cards, your child is grateful for your love and support. Just being there on their big day means the world to them!
